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I have been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered many challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been constantly blindsided by people. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances vanished at that point, since they had been drawn to the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have realised more acutely the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, many of her friends have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, despite the fact that she was highly competent, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each retired so we're spending time together, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce subjects but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She's been organizing a holiday to a country I know well many times and lived in for some time. My intention was to share personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her choices. I recently come back from four weeks in that place she is eager to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, my state is pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out takes courage and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state how things go in your conversations. It should be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute here. Emotions belong to you, after all. Step three is to question how you are both going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective for promoting mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they won't release because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present like this then consider about what you've said. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you satisfaction that you've been open and direct.